The Snuggie: Next Stop in Blanket Evolution
February 12, 2009 • By Michael Larrick, The Breeze
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There are special times in one’s life when they get the chance to see history made. Our generation has seen a great deal of tragedy but through this tragedy, we have prevailed to see some of the greatest technological advancement in history. (A screen you can touch? That’s crazy!) What’s next, a cellphone attachment that you hook to your ear? That’ll be the day! However, the day has finally come that we’ve reached the apex of all innovations. Things will never be the same. They’ve finally invented what I believe to be the best item of all time: The Snuggie.
If you don’t know what a Snuggie is, you might as well put yourself out of your misery. The Snuggie is a “super soft, luxurious fleece” blanket that has sleeves. I know, I know, sleeves… on a blanket. That just happened. At first you might think it’s “aggressively ridiculous” or “no, Michael, you can not use my credit card to get 15 Snuggies,” but then you’ll realize the beauty that is the Snuggie and will be forced to your knees in its presence.
I never fully trusted the concept of a blanket. I assumed it to be some sort of pyramid scheme set in place by Al-Qaida. I know they’re thinking: wait until they’re all comfy in their blankets, with their hands rendered useless, and then strike!
Snuggie perfectly summed up my feelings about blankets: Blankets are OK but they can slip and slide, plus your hands are trapped inside. I got your number, blankets! Every time I was on the couch getting cozy with a blanket, I’d start to feel confined and claustrophobic and start vomiting uncontrollably. But things are so much easier now. Not only do you get a free additional Snuggie when you order the first, you get a free booklight.
I was once was a skeptic of the almighty Snuggie. I first saw the commercial during “Sex & the Ci…” — I mean “Sportscenter” — and thought to myself “this is beyond rationality.” I’d compare the feelings I had to the ones I experienced the first time I heard the song “Chicken Noodle Soup.” But I was so blind, so naïve. I own five now and it’s quite possibly the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only do I look like a wizard, but I am also highly flammable if a fire happens to break out while I’m sleeping — and none of my friends will acknowledge me in public.
Congratulations America, you’ve become too lazy for a blanket.
MICHAEL LARRICK is a junior media arts and design major and The Breeze’s humor columnist.
Contact Michael Larrick at larricmh@jmu.edu
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don’t worry, my house owns 6 snuggies, and 1 slanket (snuggie spin-off)
This article is so funny I laughed my snuggie off!
My friend got a snuggie from her dad and we have spent many-a-cuddle-session under it. The best part is, we can hug each other with each of our free arms. There are also pockets, which come in handy when you lose the remote.
Yo i love how in the snuggie comercial they got a “so called” family sitten around the camp fire in snuggies, yet, they’re better off rocken a bunch white hoods. haha. mad love mikey!
Mike….my roommate and I have agreed….you are our hero.
One More Time:
OUT: Toga Parties
IN: Snuggie Parties
Love Jon Angot
the two best infomercial products ever have to the Snuggie and the Shamwow… i wonder if it’s possible to combine the two, and make a single, super-absorbent robe?