Speakers Use Lighter Approach to Heavy Topic

February 4, 2010 • By Amanda Caskey, Contributing Writer
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HARRISONBURG, VA.— After a night out with friends at the University of West Florida, Kelly Addington felt disoriented and asked her designated driver to take her home.

That night, Addington said she was raped by her boyfriend of the time, with absolutely no recollection of what happened. For weeks she had no idea what he had done, but she had recurring nightmares of being trapped.

Two months later, she found out she was pregnant, and then she realized what had happened.

Becca Tieder, her best friend, was devastated when Addington told her the shocking news more than 10 years ago. Though Addington had a miscarriage, she said Tieder was there for her every step of the way.

“Becca was so supportive,” Addington said. “That’s when everything hit me. I thought ‘I can’t take back what’s happened.’ “

Their personal experience with sexual abuse when they were seniors in college was the basis of a program called “Let’s Talk About IT,” hosted by Campus Assault Response (C.A.R.E) Tuesday night in Grafton-Stovall Theatre.

“Let’s Talk About IT” is a program created to “sexually empower” students through the use of humor and hard facts. Addington and Tieder tour nationally to spread their message at colleges.

The program, which attracted about 30 students Tuesday evening despite the snow, highlights the lives of Addington and Tieder, their 20-year friendship and their experience with sexual abuse.

“Obviously just being a girl, it is something to be aware of,” freshman Lisa Wallace said. “I came to just learn about that and how to prevent that for myself and my friends.”

According to uniteforchange.com, founded by Addington and Tieder in 2006, one in four college women will be or has been a victim of rape or sexual abuse.

Through discussions and education of sexual abuse, the pair believes students can become comfortable with talking about all things related to sex and sexual abuse.

Addington said she still has the nightmares, but instead of being afraid, she wakes up feeling frustrated.

“The dreams aren’t about me,” Addington said. “I’m scared for your lives, because I don’t want anyone to go through what I did.”

From that moment in their lives, the two women knew they wanted to become advocates for sexual abuse victims.

One solution the women have come up with is to have a “designated sober person.”

Tieder described this person as someone whom you can make a plan with before the night and, no matter what, they will make sure you stick with the plan.

Tieder said she should have been Addington’s designated sober person the night she was raped to watch her friend’s actions. But because Addington had a designated driver — her perpetrator — she did not think to consider her safety in the hands of another.

In 2006, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that 32,000 pregnancies occur from rape annually in the United States alone. And according to the program, one in 15 women does not realize she was raped until the discovery of a sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy.

The two women have a motto for their mission: “Life is best if lived without fear, but with awareness.”

Some students in attendance agreed that they had become more conscious of the reality of sexual assault on college campuses after listening to the stories and statistics presented.

The personal story “made it a little more realistic because a lot of times it’s just a statistic on a page and there’s nothing you can really say about it,” freshman Ariel Kuykendall said. “Hearing her personal story inspired me to want to help other people.”

C.A.R.E. president Kelly Johnson believes that Addington and Tieder were the perfect speakers to present this topic to JMU.

“I feel like a lot sexual assault speakers victimize the survivor,” Johnson said. But Addington and Tieder are “so empowered by it and so positive about it that, yes, it’s a bad thing to happen, but they’re going to take it and turn it into something positive.”

Contact Amanda Caskey at caskeyap@jmu.edu

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